Only One
by songofthec
Summary: I realize that all of my gossip girl fics have the word, "One" in them. The summary: Time always went by too quickly for Lily van der Woodsen. A Lily/Rufus, Lufus fic.


Only One

**Chapter One: I'm Sorry**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!! So sad, but true. **

**Author's Note: This is a two-shot. Please read and Review. Special thanks to my beta, Iamlillykane on lj.**

**Summary: Time always went by too quickly for Lily van der Woodsen. Lily's POV, kind of?**

* * *

It was just a few days before Lily van der Woodsen's big wedding and she found herself in no other than Williamsburg, Brooklyn. It was her way of saying good bye to what "might've been". Yes, it sucked, and yes sometimes it broke her heart, but she knew somehow that that this was something she had to do. She had to go through with the wedding. As she walked down Bedford Ave, she felt a shiver of sadness. Not too long ago she was here with _him_ and she had loved it. But things change.

_I moved on_, she said, as she thought of the three stupid words she had said to him when they met after all that time. But she hadn't moved on and she knew it. At the time, the thought of her daughter dating his son seemed awful. It was once again the clash of two societies, only this time _she_ was the one ruining it. She was becoming like her mother and it scared her more than anything.

"One Americano with an extra shot," she orders as she sits down in the café that they went to at their second encounter. She stirs her coffee absentmindedly, and she's reminded of how much Dan and Serena remind her of Rufus and herself when they were their age. Rufus had been right, of course. Dan was just what Serena needed. Only _she_ was the one to suffer. She found herself falling in love with the father of her daughter's boyfriend again. It wasn't even really long before she had figured it out. The feelings were always there, just hidden behind the wall of fake feelings for every man she married.

She takes a sip of her drink and remembers the small but precious time they had spent together. To start off, there was the first encounter at his gallery, followed by two Americanos, one, of course with an extra shot. Her little purchase and then return of one of Allison's paintings. Skip to the scare of Eric's little disappearance. He was there for her, even after all those years, when she definitely needed him the most. As sort of a thank you, she invites him to Eleanor's party. Only she knows the real reason. When Bart shows up with his arm candy, Rufus assumes he's only there to make Bart jealous and in a way, he is. But he's there for another reason too. And when Rufus kisses her that night, she remembers everything.

"Oh, don't be ridiculous Lily," she says to herself, "that was long ago." And she takes another sip of her drink.

But even she knew that she couldn't pretend that something wasn't going on. And even Rufus felt it. There were both falling in love, again. Only that raised an issue. She had this "relationship" with Bart Bass and he had a wife who was in Hudson. It also didn't take too long for their kids to figure out about their past. Of course, they hadn't told them _everything_, because they were still….their _children_, but it was easy to figure out what they had meant to each other.

Unfortunately, because of certain "events", they drift apart again.

_Time flies by so quickly._

She sees Rufus again while she's in the process of planning her wedding when he comes to talk to her about Jenny. They hadn't seen each since she turned down his offer to "escape" the world they both were tangled in after an encounter with her daughter. She offers him advice. She wants to say that she misses him, but she can't get it out. Instead, she hides it all too well with a smile.

She finishes her Americano quickly in one last sip. The memory fades. She wishes that she could have it back. Just that. Just a memory of him. And she thinks that maybe if she had just that, maybe she would be okay.

She thinks of going to see him. Then she decides against it. She thinks about calling him so many times. But she never does. Days go by and she doesn't even notice. She's been in a haze for days, weeks even. She blames it on the wedding; on the constant commotion. But she knows better.

It's because of him. He takes her breath away. He always does. It's those days when Serena is away with Dan and everyone is gone when she finds herself thinking about him the most. She's not even surprised when she sees him walking down the street. She's just envisioned him so many times. He looks up at her, smiles and stops. And for moments that feel like years they stare at each other in complete silence. She watches as he approaches her casually.

She was the first to speak. "Hi, Rufus," she says.

"Hey, Lil," he responds back.

They share a small smile.

"So I guess you're really getting married, hmm?" he asks with his smile slowly beginning to fade.

"Yes," Lily responds, "on Sunday."

They notice the new found tension. It reminds them of when they first met, so long ago; when they just stood facing each other, nervous of what to say.

"Rufus..I, uh, I just wanted to say….,"

"Shh. I know, Lil," he interrupts her.

She smiles, softly when he calls her, "You know, you're the only person I allow to call me that after all these years."

They both laugh. There is a long pause

"So, do you plan on going to the wedding?" she finally asks.

He shakes his head, "I don't think it's a good idea."

"Oh, Rufus you really should come," she looks at him. "It would mean a lot to me."

"I don't know, Lil. I can't..I just..can't. It would be to hard."

She feels a twinge of sadness run through her body. She pauses for a moment, and then looks at him again. "Well, I'm sorry that you won't be there."

"Me too," he says. "I guess I'll see you around, then?"

"Goodbye, Rufus," she says and the pain hits her harder than she's ever felt it.


End file.
